I understand. I have also been married - twice to the same man - and from my work as a wedding celebrant making sure its all about you is one of the first things I make a priority.
Decisions can be challenging to make when you feel that because you need to keep people happy, you find your vision spiralling to an alien place, and it can sometimes feel that you could lose the vision altogether.
It can at first feel like this in the planning stages, but you can ensure that it WILL be all about you.
Part of the dilemma is that you might have people who either want to or assume they should be an instrumental part of your day, and none of them are your future husband/wife, and as a person who cares about others, this can feel daunting. Also, if you have had help in some shape or form, it can feel like you need to create the space to allow these friends/relatives to have some input.
Here is my guide to helping you set great healthy boundaries so that you feel and know you are in charge and that you and your partner can then begin to relax and enjoy the planning.
1. Get your vision straight before you share it
Like any good idea, it gets diluted when its shared too soon, keep it intact, allow yourself to explore it, tell people you are working on it and will be happy to share it when you are ready
2. Work on your relationship values and have fun- together
I insist. you have fun. Book some time alone to explore what you value most about your relationship, what you already have, and spend a day (or longer) enjoying each others company, feeling romantic AND spending some time journaling on why you feel the way you do about each other.
3. Visualise your vision and make this a mission box
Your vision needs to feel real, start collecting things in a mission box, which you remind you of that special vision, could be music, clothing, postcards, magazines, poetry, photographs so that you see it growing all the time, keep this box handy so that you can see it as a reminder of what you are building together for a special day.
4. Focus on LOVE
So, each time you set about a new task for your wedding, check in and ask yourself, how does it reflect our LOVE? In this way you are focusing on meaning over stuff, and keeping it about you. It is also original, authentic and creative.
Often however miscommunicated, people are just excited. Weddings bring out a lot of emotions, find something by way of jobs that you can share round, could be research, could be rsvp list, could be shopping, find something for others to do which will keep them busy and feeling involved but at the same time doesn't have anything to do with opinions on your vision.
6. Design your own alternative hen/stag do
You know, you can have something empowering, brilliant and super unique and sophisticated if you want to, just let everyone know that's what you want and make a list of what it should and should not include.
7. Allow the ceremony to help. you
Having. your ceremony as a focal point can be a great boundary setter. By having a celebrant-led ceremony you can explore everything from the length of ceremony to the number of guests, making it part of your vision. Your ceremony will capture what is most important
8. Find ways to share what you care about and want represented
As a boundary setter, this is brilliant. By having a focus alongside yourselves, which is one of your values, you are keeping the entire focus on what you want, and so for example you could have live music, or a charity or cause represented,. It can also be about part of your life - in an earth based spiritual wedding such as the ones I officiate, the symbolism is in rituals within the ceremony and can extend to other parts of your day.
9. Allow your celebrant to keep. you focused
A good celebrant will be there for you throughout the planning of your ceremony to ensure your focus is on what matters most, things will come up, share it with them, include them in the process, and they will have suggestions that will support you.
10. Take a vow!
Vow and pledge right at the beginning that the whole preparation will be a process, that it will not get beyond your control, that you will be able to enjoy the magic and that you will look always at ways to bring it back to the whole reason you are doing it in the first place. Vow to love the process, to feel the freedom in expressing your life on. your terms, to be original, to share it all how you want.
And get in touch if you want to - I have a complimentary session for couples would LOVE to know more about your plans.
Ethical Celebrant and Modern Day Medicine Woman